MY LIFE AND FATE by Lindiwe Khoza

 

Chapter 01

My name Lindiwe Mahadleni Khosa this is my story based on a true story I was born with speech disorder. My parents told me that they thought that my speech was developing and the behavior was normal for a toddler but thanks to my grandmother she noticed that. My parents traveled the world seeking for help. They lost everything trying to help their little princess. They didn’t get me any help. No one asks to be disable we are created differently.

During the process of seeking for help my parents had to accept that I’m disable and they were able to gain the knowledge that was needed to make sure their could reach their full potential in life. They had access to early services from a team of physicians speech therapists and teachers. Because my parents had to accept me they were very supportive and understanding meanwhile the society didn’t accept me not everyone parents allowed their children to play with someone like me I felt so rejected by everyone.

The unhappy Lindiwe took placethe day after her 10th birthday I didn’t have friends; so during schools holidays I used to visit my uncle’s house so that I will play with my cousins. That was a my biggest mistake ever I will never forget that I sent myself to the lion den.

My parents paid so much money in order to get help for me. Believe me when I say no therapist could help me to speak just like you and everyone else all I wanted was to make friends as a child not someone to listen to me. Let me take you through my journey.

*****FLASHBACKS*****

It was 14th of April 2004. 1st term of schools holidays and it was a sunny day I remember very well it was 10 years after South Africa casted their first votes it was the elections day day after my birthday my aunt and uncle they were not home that day.

So I was playing on the mown grass with my cousins Thelma and Louise. We rolled ourselves to the lawn. It was nice playing there. That was supposed to be a memorable event  my other two cousins were playing chess. They  were older than us.

AN hour later; Our body started aching we decided to take a bath because I was two years older than Thelma and Louise I had to help them them to bath. When we was done with them it was my turn my elder cousin Thokozani made his way to the bathroom.

“I want to use the bathroom.” He said. I had no idea that he sent Thelma Louise and Sello to the store.

“Let me finish up Thoko.” He offered to help me I didn’t have any problem with that after all he was my cousin he was supposed to protect me. He bathe me he kissed me on my Virgina.

“I would like to have this.” Thoko whispered. I was only ten years I just turned ten years the previous day. I had no idea what he was talking about. He bite her my tiny nipples and kissed me vigorous. I started feeling uncomfortable I asked him to stop but he didn’t.

“Mzala I want to go out.” Did he listened to me no he forced himself to me I cried my lungs out but he didn’t stop.

“You hurting me.” I cried and cried he didn’t hear my cry. His sweat poured my body. From that day I was a different child I was angry but managed to hide my anger.

[WEEK LATER]

All I needed was to to share my pain but I couldn’t because I was scared that my parents. I learned to leave with a pain without telling anyone with the little pencil or little ink I would write my pain on the paper then destroyed it. I don’t know how my mother got the peace of paper where I wrote my pain. She sat down with me and asked me what happened.

“Baby I love you talk to me.” My mother begged me to talk to her I looked at her then started cursing and scratching my hands.

“Who hurt you sis?” Mom questioned me she was worried.

“Promise me that you won’t get angry with me.” I said. She gladly nodded. I started crying it felt like it was my fault.

“The day after my birthday.” She nodded I explained that it was the elections day and what happened. She wasted no time we went to the police station to open the case.

[MONTHS LATER]

I was going in and out court. There my life was never the same

we went to the police station to open the case. 

[MONTHS LATER]

I was going in and out court. There my life was never the same it changed forever I felt like it was better if I didn’t tell my mother. The anger inside me was growing each day especially that I was born with speech problem I felt rejected by the world and everyone.

Rejected by the society and accepted by few people my mother little brother who comes after me I’m older than him with five years then little sister who comes after my little brother and my father. This is my life journey. I was always miserable and unable to be happy angry at myself and I felt like I was letting myself down.

Ten years later I’ve learned to live with the fact that I have a speech problem. Therefore I’m different ably my cousin Thokozane was arrested Thokozane’s parents and my parents relationship was no longer tight like it was before . I received cancelling somehow it helped me. But still I had the hidden wound that no one would see even the life cancellation failed.

My parents walked in to my room unannounced. What the hell? I looked at them I had some sort of anxiety due to an improper sleep during last night. The anxiety has started afresh with my new life I don’t know what is univariate life. There I was about to open the new chapter of my life I was going to do my first year and today will be my first day.

“How are you princess?” Dad greeted.

 

“I’m doing well thanks dad.”  Whilst looking at them. My ride will be here soon I need to get ready.

“The day I gave birth to you. I knew very well that you where holding your future in those tiny folded palms.” My mom said. There are people are born with silver spoon in their mouth and I was born differently. People are born to conquer the world and I was born to watch them live their lives. Yet she’s telling me that I was born holding a future in my palm. The only thing I’m holding is sorrows and acquainted.

“Aren’t you’re happy to go to university?” My mom questioned. How was supposed to be happy I was scared to turn the next page.

 

“They is nothing new mom. I’m still going to be the Lindiwe Mahadleni Khosa the laugh stock of Tembisa Angikwazi ukukhuluma kahle.” I said with frustration sometimes I feel like what people are saying is true like my parents doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

It’s funny because the society didn’t want me next to their kids. They made me believe that I’m nobody. They made me believe that my parents doesn’t see what I’m going through. I hated everything about me. I believed everything they said. At the same time my parents are my heroes.

Wherever I go people point fingers at me they call me names such like I’m crazy. I give credit to my parents for my own success. I was determined to be the best in whatever I do I wanted to achieve more I wanted to be the voice behind my speech ability so that I would have something to be proud of in the pages of my life. I wanted something solid even if I’m no more I will leave a mark to my loved ones.

 

“Lindy my baby you are a beautiful smart young lady your speech unability doesn’t define who you are.”Mom said.

 

“I’m proud of you princess just go there and make us proud.” Dad said. That’s every parents wish they want to be proud of their kids.

“I won’t say I’m going to open a new chapter who knows maybe I will get stuck along the way.”

“Lindiwe! We won’t predict the future just be yourself don’t allow people change the person you are.” Dad said. My phone ringed. I picked it up and answered

“Hello!”

“I’m here.” My only friend said. I looked at my parents.

“Just a minute I’m coming.” He hung up I looked at my parents then told them that Busani he’s here Busani offered me a ride since he’s working around Johannesburg. We made a group hug with my family.

“Good luck sweetheart.” Dad said. We broke the hug. My mother’s eyes were red probably she’s happy and sad at the same time.

They walked me out to the car. I said my goodbye and got into the car.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” I apologized.

“Okay dear.” Busani said. He was the only friend understood my condition he drove off silent filled the car no music or whatsoever my biggest fear was not achieving whatever I want to accomplish.

Apart from travelling the world I wanted to start a humanitarian organization that will help  people to see the ability behind the disability in third world nations.

Another phobia of mine is heights or Acrophobia. When I’m on high ground I just panic looking down. That’s why I will never be caught dead on any amusement rides my other phobia is seeing unhappiness like the hunger to get happiness then happiness like the hunger to give. I suffered in the hands of someone who was supposed to protect that little girl in me. Because a family member failed me what will the the society protect me

 

02

MY LIFE AND FATE

LINDIWE KHOSA

Due to the fear of reaching late on my first day we reached one hour earlier than necessary and decided to spend some time at UJ (University of Johannesburg)

I was hoping that time can move faster because I wanted to find out about what will going to happen next. But it is a common fact that if we are anxiously waiting for something time would seem to crawl a lot slower. Busani look at me.

“It’s finally the time you’ve been waiting for.” Busani said. When we got to the university I was told that the accommodation administration team they will be late so I decided to take a ride and explore Johannesburg.

“Its about the danm time.” We laughed and heayd back to the campus I hoped for everything to go on smoothly

“Lindi look at the bright side and remember the ability behind the disability. Stay positive.” Busani motivated me. I nodded and got out of the car. Friends like busani are hard to find and they are priceless.

“Thanks Busani!”

“Keep well remember I’m around the corner.” Busani uttered. He’s working down the street. It’s pity that I won’t be going home during the week.

“Bye Lindi see you around.” He bid me a goodbye so did I.

I walked to the reception to inquire about my classroom just as how I expected it. I braced myself to meet my room mate and class mate. After being instructed on which room to go to I started walking to the res to then walked towards the class the mixture of excitement and nervousness start to fill within me. It felt like I was that grade 8 student again where I was I was a new learner who didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know anyone in the class. That was happening again I don’t know anyone again. I entered in the class everyone was minding the lecture. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me

“I’m sorry sir.”

“You sorry for what my lady?” The lecture questioned. As nervous as I was I glanced down the floor. Why I’m I apologising I’m not late! I convinced myself.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you sir.”I apologized nervously. Everyone laugh. This is what I was scared of

“Guys I believe I don’t have high school kids in this class.” The lecture said. He then looked at me

“I’m professor Lincon Zondo and you are my lady.” He introduced himself.

“I’m Lindiwe Mahandeni Khosa I’m here to study Humanitarian Action.” He smiled

“Okay welcome Ms Khoza you are at the right place. I’m here to help each of you to get a master’s degree of Humanitarian Action. Grab yourself a sit.” Lincon said. That was easy than I expected

“As I was saying guys this is not high school. We all adults here we must behave like adults. I do not assess learning I offer varied perspectives differentiate instruction or allow students to self direct. I hope we all understand what is the different between a teacher and a lecture?” Lincon said.

“Yes” Everyone said. I missed that part

“Malindi do you understand?” Lincon asked I nodded for the first time I felt respected by an outsider apart from my parents and Busani. The are the ones who never labelled me and call me names prof Lincon called me my lady before I told him my name.

“Okay what is a lecture? Prof Lincon questioned. I bited my nails

“Malindi I’m waiting.” He said.

“Lecture is someone.” Atuqli I didn’t know the answer. They laughed at me

the boy who was sitting next to me look at me he then smiled. 

“A lectures delivers seminars and tutorials. They design prepare and develop courses and teaching materials. develop and implement new methods of teaching to reflect changes in research. Supervise students’ research activities.” The boy rescued me.

 

“Thanks Karabo for showing a sister love. That’s what I was talking about. Team work guys if we can work as a team evething. Lindiwe what do you understand about team work?” Prof Lincon questioned. I was not the only student in this class room. But there he was trying to humiliate me or something I thought he’s different from everyone.

“Teamwork teaches essential communication and social skills such as active listening and effective speaking. Teamwork teaches students how to respectfully and confidently express their ideas and opinions effectively in a group setting. It’s important for students to recognize that speaking is not the same as talking.”

“That’s true. I’m not a teacher but a lecture more like a instructor. Good verbal and written communication skills are essential in order to deliver and understand information quickly and accurately. Being able to communicate effectively is a vital life skill and should not be overlooked. To communicate well is to understand and be understood. I will release you early today. Read your communication task book and we will discuss it tomorrow.” Proff Lincon said. He looked at me. I was never anyone’s favourite that’s the fact and I know that.

“You may leave guys.” Prof Lincon released the class. Everyone pack their things. I didn’t take out my text book hence why he was in my case.

“Lindy what’s wrong with you? He questioned.

“I beg my pardon?

“Have you seen a doctor regarding your voice?” Prof Lincon questioned. I shook my head I’m not sick. Speech delay doesn’t mean I’m sick

“Sir I’m not sick is just that I cannot pronounce letters properly or switch letters around. I have a language disorder it means that have problem with putting sentences together.” I said.

“The is no such my lady that’s a demon.” He said. He’s the demon if he may ask. The is nothing that I hate than being told that “D” word

“That’s not true God trusted me with this.” I said that walking out.

BUSANI NGOMANE

I got to my workplace I greeted my colleagues. Then went to my little office. I’m a junior administration of papers company. I’m Lindy’s friend when I and my parents came to Gauteng from Nelspruit they bought a house in Tembisa is where I met this vibrant lady who always put a smile on my face. My parents believe that she’s cursed and I believe she’s the creation of God who needs to be loved and cherished. Most people don’t understand why I’m her friend. I must say I see her more than that I see her as Mrs Ngomane

TO BE CONTINUED

UEDITED